Disclaimer! Those without a sense of humour may suffer from mild discomfort.
Britain’s Family Reunion…
We classify the Aussies, Kiwis, Canucks as “Brits Born Abroad”, the Yanks are “Substandard Brits Born Abroad” due to their constant colonial misbehaviour from 1776 onwards…
In 2020 we will reunite to form Canada, Australia, New Zealand and the United Kingdom (CANZUK). This will not only restore our full glory but make us larger than Russia and give us another nice acronym to call home.
Our cousins across the pond, with their last presidential election line-up have proven time and time that they are unfit to govern themselves…
To rectify the Yankie sense of inferiority we have a multi-phase plan to “take America back and make it Great Britain again” (the Donald beat us to the punch line).
Firstly Americans will learn that “Kingdom” is a cute way that British say “State” so without a shot being fired (well no more shots than normal) your population will think the UK and US are the same country already anyway.
Your nearest neighbour our loyal Dominion of Canada (geographically situated to permanently always look down on you and in Maple Leaf camouflage since 1965) will subtly reinforce the idea by calling the US the UK.
Your “State” Hawaii already considers itself a “Kingdom” and is on board with our master plan. For the Yanks still in doubt we have a Royal Wedding in the pipeline which will cement public opinion. On the wedding day we’ll not only restore your Stars and Stripes back to their former glory but we’ll make it even grander by incorporating St Patrick’s Cross to represent your Irish heritage as well. Again your “State” Hawaii which is your only “Kingdom” to have a proper Flag will lead by example. On the day of the Royal Wedding we’ll teach you the correct lyrics to “My Country, Tis of Thee” i.e. “God Save the Queen”.
For the die hard Yankie Republican we Brits have have devised a cunning plan to get rid of the 4th of July 1776 “Treason Day” going through the pains to create a new “Independence Day” the 23th of June 2016. This will also be known as “Brexit day” where we declared independence from the dreaded European Union. On this day we will introduce DD/MM/YYYY formats, two taps, the 24 hour clock and driving on the left as well as the half imperial – half metric system us Brits employ. This may temporally damage your economy, cause a world recession but we’ve got it covered, your media will blame Trump as usual and we’ll blame the European Union, just because we can. The changes will generate enough confusion that most Americans will be too preoccupied to notice the date change. America’s favourite breakfast cereals will be rebranded Brexit and Brexit with snowflakes and heavily marketed using cheesy American advertising.
For the sceptical remaining 1 % of the population, to sweeten the deal we will also send you some British tea every 4th of July, Canada will send Maple Syrup and Australia will send TimTams. Canada, Australia, New Zealand and the United Kingdom will visit so you have a proper Tea Party (this time with friends).
Moreover the American revolution will in time be forgotten… as Disney (for the sake of political correctness) are slowly discrediting it’s only well known documentary “Star Wars”.